


It's a Bit Different With a Body

by Aimandfire (orphan_account)



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Angst, Brothers, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Dynamics, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 14:35:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21138281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Aimandfire
Summary: Cole just got his bady back. He doesn't react well.





	It's a Bit Different With a Body

You'd think everything would be fine when Cole became human. You'd be wrong.

It first started with the eating. When he was a ghost he could eat whatever he wanted, yet never felt full. At first Cole hated this, eating whatever he could get his ghostly hands on when he wasn't slumped in his depression. Eventually he stopped craving the feeling of being full, stopped craving food at all. He stopped eating at all. And why would he need to? He's a ghost. Or he was a ghost. When he got his body back the hunger was there but Cole never wanted it to go away. The feeling of being full made him want to puke, so he did. Almost anytime he ate he threw it up after. Food also became undesirable. Most foods were either too strong or textured or sweet. He hated eating but his teammates worried every time he didn't. It was much easier just to get rid of it later when he was forced to eat.

Then came the fighting. When he was a ghost Cole could throw himself into the fight without consequence. He would fly around and make a big spectacle, and distract from his team. It worked great, when Cole was a ghost. Trying this with a human body-especially while just getting used to it-ends in disaster. Injuries kept him out of the frey and in the cautions eyes of his brothers and sister. When he did try to fight his new limbs were far too clumsy and unruly to do much, getting even more injuries.  
Lastly the pain. As a ghost Cole felt almost nothing. He only felt pain with water, which he dripped on his fingers when feeling empty. Even his emotions were dulled. He didn't say a word about it. His teams were worried enough, they didn't need to worry about him. But as soon as he came back everything felt almost painfully real. The ground felt painfully cold, the wind was like daggers, and even his blankets seemed to itch. His brothers and sister noticed something was off, but they didn't know how much pain he was in. And they didn't need to.

And his emotions! A simple insult from Jay could bring him close to tears. Every failure stung more than any of the physical pain could. Every worried look just shouted You're a failure, you're doing something wrong! Every problem he couldn't solve choked him, no matter how minor.  
Cole noticed all his failings, how useless he was in battle, how emotional he was, how weak he was. Not one to wallow in self pity-Mainly because it worries his team-He decided to do something about it. He decided to train.

His emotions were first. To train his body he needed a strong mind. Everytime he cried, lost his temper, or started to fall into a depression, he punished himself. At first he used water that was far too hot, burning his skin. It worked, but not well enough. Cole needed faster results, and Kai was starting to wonder if the burns were his fault. No, Cole needed something better. That's when he turned to the knife.

Cole knew he needed to be careful. He wasn't doing anything wrong, but he knew his team wouldn't understand. He was trying to be better, to help the team. He wouldn't let them stand in his way.  
He soon learned that he was both training his mind and body to handle pain at the same time. Cole was ecstatic, finally able to help the team. But I'm not good enough. He thought, as he realized how weak he still was.

Cole wanted to train, really train, in combat and fighting. His brothers and sister didn't want him to, always trying to get him to rest or take it easy. They think you're weak. So he started to train at night. The machine's weren't going to be gentle, often leaving bruises and injuries he had to patch up himself to avoid getting scolded by Zane or being confined to a bed when the injuries are too bad. Sometimes he'll dislocate something or strain it, but will pop them back in or bandage it up and keep on going to the long hours of the night.

Despite his efforts changes haven't gone unnoticed. His team might not know why but they could tell something was wrong. They saw how thin he got, how dark the bags under his eyes got, how much Cole limped when he thought no one was watching. Everyone had their own way to 'help', with varying levels of success.

Not surprising Kai was quite obvious in his attempts. Usually including trying to force Cole into a bed, dismantling workout equipment, or hide his workout gear. This was stopped very quickly when Jay got tired of fixing it all every morning. At least his methods worked.

Jay was surprisingly subtle. Every Time he saw Cole wandering the halls in the middle of the night he'll drag Cole in his room to play video games till they both nod off. Though Cole started to feel guilty missing training sessions and started to refuse Jay's offers.

Zane mostly minded his own business, mostly, but every few weeks he'd confront Cole directly. Show him all the data he's collected, trying to convince Cole he needs help. These encounters always ended with yelling and slammed doors.

Nya wasn't really trying to stop him doing anything but she'd find him in the middle of the night when he was training she'd help, and try to bandage any wounds or bruises but Cole wouldn't let her.

Lloyd kept trying to talk to Cole, but their relationship was never the best and Lloyd never liked to impose either. He usually offered reassurances and an open invitation to talk, but Cole never took it.

Master Wu left an open invitation to talk as well but was much gentler and less brash than his nephew, and was also quite subtle. He'd refill Coles plate or leave out bandages and bruise cream after Cole's training. Not that Cole ever used them.

He still didn't understand why everyone was worried. He was getting better! But you're still not good enough. So Cole trained harder, and started to punish himself even more. Every worried glance his Brothers and sister gave him deserved a cut. Every failed hit in training deserved one as well. Every lost battle deserved many. Even won battles often had Cole punishing himself for mistakes. But he's just getting stronger.

It was Zane who found him after a rough battle. Everyone was dirty and bruised but Cole got the worst of it. Yet like always he slinked off to his chambers, refusing to seek Zane and Pixals medical knowledge, or even Wu's healing tea. Zane was getting both fed up and worried about his teammate. Usual patient, Zane stormed into Cole's room, and stood in shock at the sight of Cole cutting his arms. He noticed self destructive behaviours in his brother but always assumed it was passive behavior, left over from when he was invulnerable. As he saw the pool of blood beneath Cole he realized how bad it was.

Cole jumped a little when he heard a door open, cutting even deeper. He turned quickly but let out a sigh of relief when he saw it was Zane. He was the most logical and reasonable, it would be easy to explain the situation. Cole stood with a shaky smile, dizzy with his vision going blurry. Whether it was from the blood loss, all the sleepless nights, his refusal to eat, or from the many hits from that day's battle didn't matter, he ignored it as he smiled at his brother, no quite seeing Zane's horrified expression.  
"C-cole!" Zane stuttered out, absolutely horrified at what he was seeing. Not just the cuts but Cole's unfocused eyes along with him swaying, like he was about to pass out.

"Zane, hey what are you doing here?" Cole said normally, like there was nothing weird with the situation. Zane's eyes were on the knife, the one Cole was still holding.

"Cole drop the knife." Zane commanded in a shaky voice. His brother looked confused but complied, dropping the knife and leaning his uninjured side against a bed post. Zane knew he was going to faint.  
"Cole sit down! Help! I need someone to get master Wu!" He yelled to the hallway before rushing to Cole and grabbing his elbow.

Zane what's going on? What's the big deal?" Cole slurred out while lobbing his head.  
"You need to sit. You're going to pass out."  
Kai ran into the room, hearing Zane's cry for help.  
"Zane are you alrig- Oh my god Cole! What happened?!" He yelled in shock but Cole wasn't paying attention as his vision was going black.  
"Get Wu, and some bandages. Cole stay awake!" Zane yelled, but it was all for naught as Cole slumped and fainted, barely caught by Zane. "Cole? Cole!" Was the last thing Cole heard before his vision faded to black.

Cole woke up exhausted, on a bed much softer than his with light shining through the windows. He desperately wanted to go back to sleep, exhaustion catching up to him. A glance around showed him he wasn't in his room anymore but sensei Wu's. He also noticed the sensei sitting in a recliner by his bedside.  
"Ah I see you're awake. How are you feeling?" Wu asked calmly, giving Cole a gentle smile. Cole tried to sit up but when he tried to put weight on his arm but fell back on the bed. "Cole?"  
"I'm just tired." Cole sighed as he leaned back in Wu's bed. Wu gave him a kind smile.  
"Of course. I'll close the blinds." Wu stood up to do just that when Cole tried to get out of bed. Instead he more stumbled out of the bed and fell on the floor. Quick as the wind Wu was by his side, lifting him back to the bed.  
"Won't you need your bed?" Cole mumbled, yet started to doze off.  
"Not as much as you. Go to sleep." His voice was like a spell, luring Cole to sleep.  
The next time he woke up Cole felt better, but still weak. Wu was still by his bedside. This time there was a small plate of food and some tea on a bedside table.

"How are you feeling Cole? Still tired?" Wu asked kindly. This time when Cole tried he was able to sit right up, though the action left him feeling oddly drained. "I'm fine, feeling much better." For once Wu's

smile dropped to a worried frown.  
"I believe you're feeling better, but am not convinced you're 'fine'. Would you like some tea?" Wu asked as he poured two glasses. Cole would have said no but Wu just shoved a cup in his hand before moving the pillows behind him to prop him up. Cole. leaned back in confusion, just now noticing someone changed him from his black gi to a black robe. His legs and arms were wrapped in bandages, covering most of his skin.

"Drink your tea. It's both calming and healing. I belive you need both right now."  
"What are you talking about, sensei?"  
"We need to talk. But first you need to eat." Wu gestured at the small plate of food in front of Cole. Cole pushed it aside.

"I'm not hungry. You said we need to talk? What's going on?" Wu frowned even deeper but hid it quickly.  
"You don't seem to have adjusted to being human again very well, have you?" This confused Cole, but he admitted to himself he did have some difficulty.  
"Well at first I guess, but I've gotten used to it." Cole sipped his tea as Sensei Wu seemed to analyze him.  
"I fear that's not true. Tell me, how much have you been sleeping?" Wu asked curiously.  
"A few hours a night I guess."

"You guess? Can you be more specific?" He wasn't unkind or interrogating Cole, leaving the question vague but pushing ever so slightly for a better answer. Cole felt like he had to give Sensei something.  
"Three or four hours most nights. I might be wrong." Wu frown was evident but he said nothing.  
"We've all noticed you're quite thin and haven't been eating much. Can you tell me why?" Wu said both kindly and softly with hints of worry. Cole felt awful for worrying Sensei, promising himself he'd 'train' later as penance.

"I just haven't been hungry. No big deal." Cole shrugged it off but Wu still seemed worried.  
"So you haven't been hungry at all? Not one bit?"  
"No, I feel nauseous every time I eat. Usually I puke everything back up if I eat too much." This time Wu looked startled and Cole started to worry that He did something wrong. "Sensei? What's wrong? What did I say?" His face went back to a calming smile but worry still hinted the outlines.  
"No you said nothing wrong. In fact I'm quite glad you told me the state of things, no matter how concerning they are. I'm glad you were honest." Cole was confused by Wu's response but before he could ask Wu continued.

"This has… given me some new concerns about your health and the state of things, but it's not my main concern. Are you aware of how much you scared Zane when he walked in on your cutting, then when you fainted?" He was not unkind or accusatory, and seemed genuinely worried. Cole felt like he had to explain himself, at least to ease his worries.  
"I didn't mean to worry him! I was just training, that's all. I'm not sure why I fainted."

"Training? How are you training?" Cole thought for a moment before thinking up a response.  
"Well when I was a ghost everything was numb, I guess. I started training to make myself stronger."  
"When you say numb, are you talking about just physically, or emotionally as well." Wu asked.  
"Both, I think. I was just so sensitive everything and needed to get stronger. Every Time I got over emotional I cut, and I got stronger. My body handles pain better and I'm not so emotion. Win-win, I didn't mean to worry anyone." Cole signed out. This time Wu stayed silent, thinking quietly yet still pushing some light soup in Cole's direction and beaconing at the bowl. After Cole started to eat Wu spoke up again.

"You fainted because of exhaustion, starvation, and blood loss. Your brothers are concerned for you and so am I. Your behaviour is very concerning as of late, and the reason why even more so."

"Why, I'm just trying to get stronger. I'm just trying to help the team." Wu lets out a soft sigh.  
"Cole, you are not weak. You are a valued member of the team, ghost or not, and the only thing you are doing is hurting yourself." Wu placed a hand gently on Cole's shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze.  
"Emotions are normal. They do not make you weak, Cole. In fact your lack of emotions as a ghost is quite troublesome. Your coping mechanism when they came back even more so."

"You've been using the words 'concerning' and 'troubling' a lot. I'm fine, I promise." Wu ever present frown deepened in thought, then flattened suddenly.  
"Tell me, Cole, what would you say if Jay refused to eat." Cole stared in confused shock before rushing to reply.  
"

What? Why would Jay do that? That makes no sense."  
"But if he did?"  
"Well I'd be worried, but-Hey this is completely different!"  
"Is it?" Wu asked. "What if Kai never slept, and spent all night training to the point he passes out. What then?"

"Kai doesn't need to train that much training Wu. I do. It's different." Cole slumped back, now unsure about how he was handling things. "It's different." He said, more to himself than Wu.

"Are you telling me? Or telling yourself?" Cole looked down in shame, though he wasn't sure why. Master Wu patted his back and continued.

"You know, Lloyd did the same thing, the cutting. After my brother died." Cole sat up in shock.  
"What! And I didn't notice! I'm a terrible teammate, I should have helped him." Cole looked down in defeat, eyes suddenly wet. Wu laid a hand on his.  
"That never happened." Cole looked up in shock.  
"Then why-"  
"To prove a point Cole. You would be worried if a

brother or Nya was cutting themselves like you. They are worried as well." Cole stumbled for excuses.  
"But-I- I-It's so much better this way! It helps me!"  
"Helps you what, Cole?" Suddenly the room grew quiet. Cole felt like he just revealed a secret he shouldn't have.

"Helps m-me… Handle things."  
"We finally get to the root of the problem. You use physical harm to handle emotions, and what you deem to be failure. This is not healthy. Harming yourself does not make you stronger. It hurts both your body and mind. We are all concerned for you Cole."

"I-I I understand. I'm sorry. I-I'll be better, I promise."  
"That is not what I'm asking of you Cole. I also doubt it will be as simple as you make it seem. I don't doubt you will try, but you will need help. We are all here to help you Cole." Wu leaned back in his chair and sighed. "Eat some more soup Cole. Rest. Your brothers are anxious to see you."  
"I didn't mean to worry them." Wu placed a comforting hand on Cole.  
"I know, I know. But you did. We cannot change the past, only improve"


End file.
